|
Home
Brightlingsea
Sailing
Fun Stuff
Useful Stuff
Techie Stuff
Green Stuff
Ugly America
Partners
Friends & Family
(Request a login here)
More Virus Information
| |
Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives,
girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in
general) These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in June/July
this year...
LIST OF RULES
1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the
newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and
that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this,
then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT
complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any
exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it
(your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as
long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you
decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right
after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or
look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of
my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to
listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that
just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at
all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any
funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you
will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good
game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is
losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win
next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will
love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me
and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or
divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me
during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime
score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one"
game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time
together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them
or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties
or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a
game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important
as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already
seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??",
the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup
is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the
Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Regards,
Men of the World
| |
|
