The funny thing about being "under oath" ...

 In a trial in a small town in the American Deep South, the prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. The witness was a grand motherly, elderly woman.

 He approached the witness and asked, "Mrs Jones, do you know me?"

 She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

 The Lawyer was stunned.

 Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?"

 She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

 The defence attorney almost died.

 The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you b*****ds asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt."