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These are genuine exam responses from 16 year olds!

 

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

 

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants  like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

 

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them  perspire.

 

Q: What is a planet?

A: A body of earth surrounded by sky

 

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the moon. All water tends to  flow towards the moon, because there is no water on  the moon, and nature  abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in  this fight.

 

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist  on?

A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

 

Q: In a democratic society, how important are  elections?

A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male  gets an election.

 

Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

 

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get  intercontinental.

 

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward  to his adultery.

 

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

 

Q: What is artificial insemination?

A: When the farmer does it to the cow instead of  the bull.

 

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

 

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised?  (e.g.abdomen)

A: The body is consisted into three parts, the  brainium, the borax,  the  abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the  heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O  and U.

 

Q: What is the Fibula?

A: A small lie.

 

Q: What does "varicose" mean?

A: Nearby.

 

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?

A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a  condominium.

 

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean  Section."

A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

 

Q: What is a seizure?

A: A Roman emperor.

 

Q: What is a terminal illness?

A: When you are sick at the airport.

 

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a  characteristic feature?

A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and  they look like umbrellas.

 

Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show  you understand its meaning.

A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

 

Q: What does the word "benign" mean

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

 

Q. What is a turbine?

A: Something an Arab or Seikh wears on his head.

 

last updated: 06 July 2007
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