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Double Entendres
MIKE Hallett on Sky Sports discussing snooker during a match where Steve Davis
kept missing easy pots "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every
chance he gets."
MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for
warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there,
they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."
STEVE Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a
69."
Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson
lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other
weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
JACK Burnicle was talking about Colin Edward's tyre choice on World Superbike
racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a
hard on now."
WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable
lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."
ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell
us about your amazing third leg."
DURING the 1989 British Masters golf tournament, the commentator observed:
"Notices are appearing at courses telling golfers not to lick their balls on the
green."
CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match,
inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed
it off."
CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing
like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."
JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it
feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"
THE new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away..."My
word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."
WILLIE Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when
he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from
different positions."
USPGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well
is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them....
Oh my god! What have I just said?"
David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics - "And there goes Juantorena down the
back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."
Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on
the field."
Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice.
The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."
Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once
rode her mother."
New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson
comes inside of him."
Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria.
I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"
(non sports) Chris Tarrant discussing the first Who wants to be a Millionaire
winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first
by herself in bed last night."
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