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Lesson 1
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown
to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car,
he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm
129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up
her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest
apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the
nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up
Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity
Lesson 2
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when
they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie
says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the
admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care
in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want
to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're
up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in
the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say
Lesson 3
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the
eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle
answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and
rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up
Lesson 4
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of
that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't
you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with
nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after
eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth
night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly
spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull S*** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there
Lesson 5
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and
fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by
and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow
dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him
out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing
cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate... Following the sound, the
cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and
ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend
(3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
This ends the 3-minute management course
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